Tanith and The Car
by Ginger Anastase
Summary: Tanith definitely takes dares too seriously...Please review! AN: I've just re-read this and I now apologise for how badly it's written but it still makes me laugh and it was my first fanfiction so I haven't got the heart to delete it...
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! Plz Review or I'll lose all faith in myself! **

**Carolina Blues **

Skulduggery!"

Skulduggery ran down the stairs to find Valkyrie searching through an old toy box with a frown on her face.

"What?"

"Do you know where that toy car is? I want to give it to Erskine's new baby."

Skulduggery walked over to her and knelt down, "Well, er…"

"What?"

"I can't tell you."

She leaned over and took his hat.

"Oyy!" She scrambled over to the other side of the room and held the hat in the air.

"Tell me where the car is and I'll give you your hat back."

"This situation seems all to familiar…"

"Shut up, and tell me where the car is." Valkyrie said.

She couldn't see it on his skull but she could tell he was pouting.

"Okay fine, but don't tell anyone I told you."

She leaned in, curious.

"Okay. Go on."

"It was Tanith."

She sighed, "What did she do now?"

"She ate the car."

Valkyrie smirked, "She-she-she ate the car?"

"Yes."

"How did she…Just how?"

"She melted it down."

Valkyrie was baffled, "Why?"

"You ask an awful lot of questions."

"I'm a detective, now answer them."

"Fletcher dared her to eat the car. You remember when she went to Kenspeckle because of er.. 'food poisoning'," He said.

"Yes."

"It was because of the car, Val."

He awaited her reaction, getting ready for a punch. She dropped his hat and stalked out the door.

"Where are you going?"

She looked back and grinned at him.

"I'm going to have words with Tanith."

**You like? You hate? You tell me plz!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey you guys :) I know this chapters quite short but never mind...**

**Carolina Blues**

"But why, Tanith? Why would you do anything Fletcher tells you to do?"

Tanith was standing opposite Valkyrie, grinning, then scowling at Skulduggery.

"Skulduggery you promised not to tell her!"

"But she took my hat!" he whimpered, then sauntered away from the evil glare Tanith was giving him.

Valkyrie waved a hand in front of Tanith's face, "Tanith! Let me just check you understood what you did. You ate. A toy car."

Tanith looked puzzled at her, "Yeessss. And?"

Valkyrie blinked, "You. Ate. A. Toy. Car."

She grinned proudly at Valkyrie, "Yes I did, Val. Yes I did."

Valkyrie gave up and walked over to the sofa in Tanith's apartment.

"So, Val." Tanith said, sitting beside her.

"Yes, Tan."

"Do wanna play dare's?"

Valkyrie frowned at her, "Woah, woah. Here I was thinking that you were an 80-something year old swordswoman, but no, you are in fact a 5 year old girl."

"But do you want to play dare's?"

"Oh god yes."

When Skulduggery came back from the kitchen with two cups of coffee, he did not expect to find Tanith attempting to hide herself in her sofa and Valkyrie balancing a bucket of water on her head.

"What are you doing?!" he made Valkyrie jump, causing the bucket to fall and soak her but she was still beaming.

"We're playing dare's! Wanna play?"

Skulduggery shrugged, "Sure."

Ghastly opened the door to Tanith's apartment.

"Tanith I just came to bring back that money you lent me…"

The apartment was silent.

"Tanith?"

No answer.

"Tanith?"

Not a sound.

"Tanith?!"

Ghastly ran frantically into the living room to find…

"Hi Ghastly we're taping Skulduggery to a chair and daring him to jump out the window." Said Tanith.

Ghastly slowly backed away from the soaking Valkyrie Cain, the grinning Tanith Low and the dismantled sofa that looked like someone had tried to hide in it…

**Did you like it? Tell me! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello people! Thanks for the reviews :) And by the way this story is set when Valkyrie is around 23 and Ghastly and Tanith aren't together. **

**Carolina Blues.**

Ghastly wandered away from the mayhem going on inside Tanith's flat, bewildered and amused. It wasn't far away from his tailor shop so it was good he could pop in for a chat. He turned the corner and walked down some steps to his shop, opening the door with a key and entering.

Almost as soon as he closed the door someone knocked on it. It was Erskine.

"Hi, Ghastly."

"Hi." He replied in a friendly voice, stepping aside to allow him in.

"How's your little boy?" Ghastly asked as he went to make coffee.

"Fine, just fine. Almost crawling. Speaking of Garyth, has Valkyrie found that toy car she said she was going to give him?"

"Err…No."

Erskine frowned, " Oh, okay. Why?"

"Well, …Tanith ate it."

He smiled and laughed, "She ate it?"

"Don't ask."

Erskine surrendered still chuckling then took the coffee Ghastly offered him.

"Why are you here?" Ghastly asked.

"Oh no reason."

Ghastly raised an eyebrow, "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Positive?"

"Yes."

"Certain?"

"Yes."

"Are you lying?"

"Yes."

Ghastly chuckled, "Why are you here then?"

Erskine leaned forward, "Well, I thought you should know…"

"Spit it out."

"Err…A certain Texan psychopath has recently been seen in town."

Ghastly's blood ran cold. Billy-Ray Sanguine. Back? He thought they had gotten rid of him when the Remnant was taken out of Tanith. But no, oh no.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I guess, I just don't want him to hurt Tanith again."

"He won't, he won't."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth the ground rumbled to there left. Sanguine stood there grinning.

"Well hello y'all."

**A dramatic turn! Don't worry I'll try and keep it light hearted :) Please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for reviews, please write more for me! This chapter may be the last one but I'm not sure yet.**

**Carolina Blues xox**

"Don't hurt Tanith."

Sanguine flipped his razor in his hand.

"Don't worry, I won't."

Ghastly frowned.

"Then why are you here?" Erskine hissed.

"Just to drop in on a friend."

Despite the situation, Ghastly and Erskine shared a chuckle.

"You? Friends? Right…"

"I do to have friends!"

"Name one."

Sanguine scowled.

"I…er…I don't have time for this!"

Ghastly smirked, "So stop pretending you have friends and tell why you're here."

Sanguine regained his confidence and removed his sunglasses, revealing the two black holes where his eyes used to be, "I thought I may pay a visit to Missy Cain, get a sweet lil thing called revenge."

Ghastly's voice turned cold, "Don't you go _near _her."

"Sorry, too late," replied Sanguine as he disappeared into the ground.

Meanwhile, Valkyrie was putting on a dress in the bathroom, ready to go to dinner with Skulduggery and Tanith. She walked into the living room where Tanith was attempting to put the sofa back together and Skulduggery was banging his head against the wall.

"Tanith," he said, "how many times do I have to hit my head before I've fulfilled the dare?"

"Errrr…until we go to dinner."

Skulduggery sighed and stopped banging his head anyway. He turned to Valkyrie and double blinked.

"Wow…Val you look great." He said. She looked down at her silver dress, cut just above the knee.

She smiled, "Thanks but I know."

"When did your ego grow?"

"When it ate some of your ego."

"My ego is untouchable, how did your ego manage eat some of my ego?"

"When my ego grew metal teeth and an incredible digestive stystem."

"Tanith must have an incredible digestive system to eat that car."

Tanith scowled, "I resent that."

"I'm sure you do. Are we going to dinner or what?"

There was a rumble.

"I don't think any o' y'all will be goin' to dinner."

"Sanguine, what are you doing here!?" screamed Tanith.

"Sorry, baby, you ain't pleased to see me?"

Tanith glowered.

"Anyway, sorry darlin' but you ain't the lady I came to see." His gaze turned to Valkyrie.

"What do you want, Sanguine?"

He flicked the straight razor.

"To cut your pretty lil face up."

He jumped forward and grabbed her throat, cutting off her breathing. Skulduggery punched him in the face but Sanguine dropped Valkyrie and punched him back. He had dropped the razor and it went spinning across the floor. Skulduggery twisted Sanguine's arm up his back but he wriggled out and lunged for the razor. Tanith snatched up the razor and stood on Sanguine's neck. She had her phone in her hand.

"Isn't it nice being able to call the Cleavers any time we want, Skulduggery?" Tanith mocked

Skulduggery was trying to get Val to breathe, "Yes it is."

The door swung open and the room flooded with grey-clothed Cleathers. Val's first words after choking were, "How in hell did they get here so bloody quickly?"

Tanith grinned as the Cleavers took Sanguine away.

"I will be back." He shouted as they handcuffed.

Tanith smirked, "Who are you? The Terminator?"

They led him out the door and he whimpered as they took away his sunglasses.

"So," said Tanith, "What shall we do with this razor?"

Valkyrie raised her eyebrows and if Skulduggery had eyebrows he would have raised them.

"Well," began Valkyrie, "You could always melt it down and eat it."

**Yes, that's the last chapter. Bit of a rubbish ending but I hope you guys liked it. Please review. Thanks for reading :)**


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